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How To Attract More Families To Belmar

If there’s one thing we can all agree on it’s that we need to attract more families to visit Belmar and to live in Belmar.  Families are the salt of the earth, the backbone of America etc, etc.  And it’s encouraging to see our administration here in Belmar working hard to make our town attractive for families to come to.

Take, for example, the mayor’s new war on smokers.

It’s a well known fact that smokers destroy families.  This is why, if we are to protect our families, this undesirable element must be banished from all 50 or so acres of Belmar’s otherwise unblemished sands.  Keeping them in chained-in pens near the boardwalk, as was our previous policy, wasn’t working.  We could still see them.

Now we still can’t stop them from standing in the street to commit their disgusting acts, but at least they’re off the beach.  And if any of them happen to get hit by a car or a bike while they’re out there, they shouldn’t cry to us about it.  It’s not like we didn’t warn them about the dangers of smoking.

Anyway, as told by the Asbury Park Press:

Doherty said……that he doesn’t believe the resolution would deter patrons from attending the borough’s beaches this summer.

“I was in touch with (Mayor) Bill Aker in Seaside, which is a bigger beach than us and has more beachgoers, and they didn’t see any impact from (their smoking ban). We think if anything, it enhances us as a family-friendly destination,”

 Actually I think Aker meant that he didn’t see any impact in the amount of litter after his ban, but that doesn’t matter.  It’s the symbolic value that counts.

The mayor went on to add:

“We want to continue to improve the beach operations. It’s all part of that experience that draws middle-class families from throughout New Jersey, New York, and Pennsylvania,”

I guess poor families and wealthy families need not apply.  But that’s fine.  We trust him to know precisely what kind of families to attract.  The important thing, to protect our (middle-class) families while they visit the beach, is to make sure they never come into contact with people like this:




Scan 2


I’m sorry I had to publish this but I needed to impress upon you the magnitude of the threat we face from the smokers.

But completing Belmar’s evolution into a nice (middle-class) family town involves more than simply keeping undesirables like the above people out.  We must be proactive in bringing the right kind of people here.  But don’t worry, the mayor is on that too.

The plan is take local businesses that have a history of attracting nice (middle-class) families, like D’Jais, and allow them to extend their operating seasons.  This way we can enjoy the presence in our town of more fine (middle-class) families like this:


Now we tried to get a variance on the zoning so these (middle-class) families could enjoy Belmar year-round but unfortunately the zoning board meeting that was held for it was packed with hundreds of anti-family agitators, some of whom brought their lawyers.  D’Jais withdrew their application shortly afterward.

But some things can be done without having to win the approval of these people.  With the blessings of Governor Liquor Industry/Gaming Industry, we were able, by our own local version of executive fiat, to extend D’Jais’ season long enough to be open for our local St. Patrick’s Day celebration.

Now D’Jais has worked very hard to ensure we have a local government that is welcoming to (middle-class) families.  They had (middle-class) family voters register right there at the premises.  And they made several trips to Freehold, hand delivering over 90 pro (middle-class) family ballots in the most recent election.

And (middle-class) families have shown their appreciation.  I have heard that more than one of the (middle-class) families that visited D’Jais on our St. Patrick’s Day generously left gifts on the lawns and driveways of D’Jais’ neighbors.

Our kind of people.  Let’s keep ’em coming.



  1. voter fraud wrote:

    Maybe the FBI will come check out Belmar summer residents again, after they get this case

    Thursday, March 13, 2014 at 6:16 pm | Permalink
  2. Teddy Ehmann wrote:

    Thanks Dave:
    I have been trying to find out which beaches nearby-do not have the ban. I know there is State legislation pending. I will support civil disobedience and will not shy away from organizing smoke-ins. What the smokers do in Hawaii is light up in the surf. If I even bother going to Belma’s beach that’s where you’ll see me puffin away. I am buying classic Marlboro beach towels and encourage others to do so.

    Sunday, March 16, 2014 at 12:25 pm | Permalink

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